Some Santa Privacy humour

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He’s making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who’s naughty and nice…

Metatrans Privacy Santa

With Christmas around the corner, I have started wondering about Privacy and Santa…

I never gave permission for Santa to gather my personal information!  My name, surname, address (and behaviour) is MY DATA! Where is our information stored? I am told it is in an inhospitable area of the north pole, protected by a candy cane forest and patrolled by restless raindeer… Is this really good enough? I am not completely naïve… I am sure Santa uses AI and automated decision-making to classify us as naughty or nice… Bad bad Santa!

Also, what surveillance does he have in place to know whether we are being naughty or nice?  Is this yet another reason for webcam covers? And when he says the is going to check the list twice, does that mean he is sharing the information with someone else? How secure is this list of his?  Are we about to see a WikiLeaks list of all the naughty people? (maybe that was the Ashley Maddison thing?)

How long does he keep this information?  For example, does he know whether I was a naughty or nice child?  Or (OMW) is he still checking? I have to wonder about that song “Santa Baby”… I am sure that is from “someone’s” secret fantasy!

Is he anonymising our information when instructing the toy-making elves?  And, does he have his privacy clauses updated in his SLA’s with them? Then, there is the tricky down-the-chimney thing… Is he outsourcing this task?  This means sharing our information with third parties!!! Does he have permission for this?

That puts me in a quandry… If I opt out, and refuse to share my information with Santa and his little helpers… Does that mean I don’t get a gift?  Even if I am really really good? It is the same as that colouring in app that wants access to my camera, location and contacts, else I can’t colour in! Yes to all, or you get nothing!

And if there is a breach… We will have to wait the twelve days of Christmas before it gets resolved!

I foresee a Christmas where there is a card attached which reads:

“By opening this gift, the recipient agrees to our service terms and conditions, which is unfortunately not available for reading, unless you visit our office, situated behind the candy-forest. You further confirm that our services are rendered with your explicit consent and confirm that you relinquish all legal claims on your personal information”

Well, I am off to check my privacy settings… Hope you have a contingency plan 😊

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